Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
