remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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