well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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