can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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