they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
