you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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