You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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