By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
