My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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