It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
