i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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