Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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