What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
