after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
