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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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