I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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