she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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