I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
