I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
