It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i will never coherently bang her
operation have a gay friend backfired
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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