smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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