I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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