when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
