The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
