this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize