So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
