Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
