he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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