then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize