I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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