Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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