trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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