Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize