Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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