so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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