just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
