I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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