Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
