Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize