we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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