just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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