when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize