In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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