There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
