Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
