You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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