This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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