Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
