Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
