Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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