So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
