I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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