question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
