hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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