tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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