Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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