The maid of honor just puked.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
