Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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