plz talk dirty to me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
