Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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