Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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