one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
