i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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