Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
