Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
