Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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