Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
