I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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