I bet he comes in French.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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