I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize