I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
