I need help removing her.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
