Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
