I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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